All my life I’ve caught on to things quicker than most people. (Call it the Hermione syndrome.)
But, the whole picture I’m trying to see is usually a broad understanding of the human giving me a bit here and there. My vision is fallible, but that is rare. Unfortunately, unlike in life, the closer something is to me, the more difficult it is to clearly see.
I don’t want to understand people to know their weaknesses to tear them down, to manipulate. I’ve been on the receiving end of that from two people my entire life and it’s just devastating and hurtful. I want to understand people to know what motivates them, what drives them. I want to understand how a person loves, feels, how they need emotion expressed to them. I want to be a kind force, a supportive force in someone’s life, not a destructive one.
I’m one of the most accepting people that many friends know and very little shocks me. In my support group, people are amazed at how quickly I came to acceptance of a certain reality that many people might struggle years to wrap their brain around. It’s the enigma that haunts me, more than anything else. The questions before the answer that make my mind race and not pleasantly.
My mind is always going full throttle and there are times I wish I could make it stop. I see and understand people and situations much more clearly than the next person, understand and accept them, readily, easily. It’s the questions that cause the anxiety, the anticipation that drives me crazy. The not knowing, not for sure…
….and when I do know I relax so easily.
I’m always striving to understand everything, to squeeze hands, be gentle, and kind. I’m always striving to just understand, because even though most people will be harsh and cruel, I’m most likely the opposite.
It’s why I don’t play well at sub-tweeting / sub-blogging / sub-whatever. Because honestly? I’m a direct person and I’m a direct person because just knowing for me, doesn’t flip a positive or negative switch. For me, it just is… it’s just knowledge that helps you move forward.
I laugh to myself every time I see I-69 instead of US-59.
I realize this makes me 12.