She was 22!
When I was a kid, I had this life plan for myself all drawn out. I would learn to drive at 16, be off at college at 17 (I have a late birthday), and settled down and married by 22, having babies by 23 at the latest.
When I was 22, I was with The Boy, who I eventually married. But I wasn’t ready to be married at 22, and I think it was great for the show to show three different relationships happening at 22 as well - Rory not getting married, Doyle following Paris where ever she was going to go, and Lane married and settled down with Zach.
One of the best things about Rory’s story arc, for me, was that it basically said, “It’s alright to fall in love. It’s alright to fall in love multiple times. It’s alright to give your heart to someone, and then to get it back and to give it to someone new.”
And, honestly, the show demonstrated that it was entirely possible to have a dream and achieve it and be married and have babies through Sookie and Jackson’s story. Sookie is that message. This show, for all the issues I have with it after the fact, was great at showing the spectrum of relationships people could have (as long as they were straight…). What the show didn’t do was make getting married or being in a relationship something that had to happen in order to be happy, or to achieve your dreams. What the show didn’t do was say that at 22, you should have life figured out by now. And the show didn’t say that at 22, the guy who you’re with now is the guy you should absolutely be with for the rest of your life.
It did say that life has choices - and that sometimes, it’s okay to be single. It’s okay to put ‘you’ first. It’s okay to take this job and travel the country and report on Barack Obama instead of settling down in California with your college boyfriend. And it’s okay to not be single, to put another person first, like Lane did with Zach. And it’s okay to not be single, and ask your partner to put you first, like Paris did with Doyle.
In other words, how you live is how you live, and there is no wrong way to do it. There is no time table to stick to, where if you’re not married by a certain time, you’ll never be. Or if you’re not married while achieving your dreams, you aren’t a success. Or that the dreams you have at 22 will be the only ones you ever have or achieve.
I don’t watch this show, but reblogging for petpluto’s excellent commentary on life its ownself. Happily ever afters won’t necessarily come at age 22. They’ll often take much longer, and the journey can be a great experience in itself.
I’m actually a Logan & Rory shipper (I know, I know), but I’m on board with the “she was 22” sentiments. It just wasn’t the time.
I married at 22. I was divorced at 28, because I did a lot of changing in that six years.
I was also kind of forcing the issue - and this is something I don’t like to talk about, so I don’t do it that often. There’s a part of a culture I grew up in that determines that a woman should be married as quickly as possible, that she can’t be happy on her own, that she can’t do her own thing, and that society judges her for it.
And, I have a mom that is completely overbearing. She wants life to be perfect - a perfect dream, but her dream, not mine and to get her off of my back and instead of having the painful arguments, I acquiesced to her desires and to her dream to make her happy. I wanted my Mom to be happy, so I did what she wanted, but I was miserable. Looking back at journals, I knew a year in that it wouldn’t last, but I kept trying, because of promises I made… And, I got so depressed by the situation, that my Dad feared I would die, though he never shared that with me. The night I knew it was over, I nearly did, and I beg of you to let me keep that little bit to myself. What I will say is that it involved my favourite square blue glass vase and a locked bathroom door.
There is a lot of changing that goes on now in your twenties, that didn’t when our parents or our grandparents were at that age. Longer lifespans mean that you get a chance to figure it out and sometimes, the younger married life back then wasn’t in the best interest of most women, either, but they often didn’t have the choices they have now.
I get completely scared when I hear of a young girl wanting to get married at 22. At that age, you think, “oh, I want to be settled, want my perfect plan in place…” and I encourage people who want to get married at a very young age (under 25) to wait just one more year… just one more because the change from one year to the next in those years is astronomical.
I missed out on a lot in finding myself, and am only just now starting to recover from it. I grew backwards and that’s my lot and my story, but it’s incredibly difficult and I wouldn’t wish it on many other people.
What I learned from it was to champion this notion in women: do what you want, what will make you happy. If that means marriage at 22, because for some, it does, so be it. But you should not be strapped in to society’s views, your parent’s views, or your peer’s views. You need your own views and need to know what makes you happy to go forward. In this instance, Rory had a dream to be a journalist and travel the world doing that kind of work. If she had married, she would have become her Grandmother and she knew that. I think it was a wonderful and great lesson that we didn’t see Rory rush off into marriage, because it told young girls and young women, you don’t have to make that decision right now… and you can go off and make your own name first…
I wish someone had told me that at 15, 16, 17, 18… I really, really do.