My Left Breast

May 25, 2012

My Left Breast

On Saturday, in the midst of a very emotionally charged few days, I took a shower. As I was lathering up my body, my left breast in particular, I stopped. Cold. I nearly dropped my loofah.

A lump? I probably gulped. How can a lump that big be in my body? How could I have not felt it before now? I take showers daily, I repeat this procedure daily. There’s no way that just developed overnight, if it’s serious.

The wave of questions entered my head. My sister just told me a few weeks ago that she has cysts. Okay… and, I am (or was) closerthanthis to my monthly emotional hormonal cycle. No need to panic. Wait it out.

I am, very much, from a family that doesn’t go to the ER lightly. When my mom fell at Target, and bashed her glasses into her skin, so deep that she was severely bleeding, she wanted me to take her “home or to the doctor’s office”. I knew if my dad saw her, he’d get in the car and take her to the ER, himself, and I knew the doctor would just refer us to the ER, so I took her there, under her protests. Hours later, she had stitches just below her eye.

That’s our family philosophy, though. We don’t panic, not easily. And we don’t rush off. We wait things out.

Even still, a lump - any lump - makes you ask certain questions. It puts you on guard. There’s no moment where you’re not thinking of cancer treatments, shaved heads, or even the unthinkable. In my case, the myriad of questions centered around costs. What does my life cost?

Don’t panic, it’s likely not something to worry about. Don’t panic. Don’t panic… Breathe. Test. Feel. Don’t panic.

It also makes you constantly touch yourself. Is it still there? The first day alone, I touched both breasts so much that they began to ache. I’ve also done a lot of research. Apparently, if the lump stays in the same place / position, it’s something to be worried about, less likely so if it doesn’t stay in the same place / position. Since this is the latter, instead of the former, that’s been a bit reassuring.

I still have a few days to go on my cycle… and, my mind is still flaring with difficult questions… the size seems to be improved, the location seems to be ever shifting. In short, I think this is a part of my body, my breast, and my cycle. I’ll continue to monitor it, because it’s constantly there, in the back of my mind, anyway… and hope for the best.