I woke up, to go to a meeting on my (technically and only) day off (this week)… and, when I woke up, hit the emergency call button on my phone, and immediately thought, “it would probably be bad to use that and claim a ‘coffee’ emergency…. but, still - that should be an option, right? I mean, what other kind of emergency could you possibly use that button for… ?
….and, found out that my paternal grandmother (known lovingly in our family as the evil bitch) is in hospice and I may have to find a way to fit in a funeral during the busiest time of the year for me, for a woman that, though we’re related by blood, is just not a person that ever had the warm fuzzies for me… I had two sets of grandparents: good and evil. The good side, as is always the case with good sides, died earlier than the evil side… My paternal grandpa redeemed himself, to some extent, on his death bed, by regretting the years he missed, through his choices. I’m not looking for the same end with the evil, crazy bitch, besides, it’s my understanding we’re just waiting for all systems to shut down…
But, seriously, her own children call her a bitch, and not in a funny, respectful kind of way…so, it’s not like it’s unacceptable for me not to really have any emotions about it.. I mean, there are some… like a lot, because your Grandma should bake you cookies and at least want to see your graduations, right? At least send you a wedding gift? Possibly? Maybe? Your grandparents should be willing to take all of their grandchildren to Disney World in the summer, not just one set of grandkids from one of their other children, and then bring you back a t-shirt for Christmas, right? So, if you’re wondering why I sometimes have issues with invisibility or self esteem, that could be a huge cause right there. There should be relief, instead of sadness, right? I try to pretend there’s no emotion, and logically, I know it wasn’t me… but it just hurts….
…and, also found out that my mom separated her shoulder three weeks ago in a fall… and just now went to the doctor. You see, in our family, we’re hard core. Bone poking out through the skin? What? You want a band-aid? What are you? A wimp. You can walk that shit off, and you expect me to take you to the hospital? Where sick people are? Are you crazy? As my sister repeatedly said today, “The doctor said, ‘most normal people go to the hospital or seek treatment within 24 hours… but our mother, waits three weeks….’”
Also? Lexi, as she has been prone to do the last few days, had a sick stomach this morning… Too much stress with ongoing familial issues (with an inconsiderate asshole) and too much not enough “mommy and Lexi” time. I’ma have to find a way to smuggle her into the office.
….so, I’m down for a nap. Or bed time… or, whatever… you know? Of course you do… and if you got through all of that: would it be better to see “Killer Joe” tonight or “The Master” (I’m not looking at you @satatlon, because I know your answer… ;o) I’m looking for a somewhat objective feedback here…) ?
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