It’s Not a Fork or a Crossroads, It’s a Complicated Vision

During campaign 2012, I worked for a statewide organization in my local corner of the world, and was tremendously happy doing so.  I kept my small amount of clients and saw to their needs where I could, so i guess you could technically call the organization my biggest client, albeit temporarily speaking.  

This is where I’m at in my world: I live in a very red state.  My resume is pretty impressive if you don’t live in a very red state.  I don’t want to work for a corporation, in fact me and corporations are pretty much at opposite ends of the spectrum.  I don’t want to mortgage my soul and, for some reason, when I end up working for one, I get ill very quickly.  I overextend myself.  I give more than I take, more than my coworkers, because it’s how I was raised - always do an exceptional job.  Always.  

When I lost a great position at one organization for reasons that still baffle me, knowing that they were essentially giving up on their politically based needs, I almost immediately began to accept clients - beginning with an organization I love to work with, wholeheartedly (even if I don’t feel I do enough for them) and a sister local to the one I was laid off from.  I still maintain great ties to the state level organization and other locals, especially in the area.  

And while I love all of my clients, there’s not enough of them to really keep me going long term.  That may change towards the end of this month, and it may not.  So, what I enjoyed while working for the organization I did during the election wasn’t just that it’s one of my favourite organizations ever that I really feel is making huge strides, particularly for low-income and mostly minority individuals, but that I had a sense of security.  I could pay my bills.  I could save.  (I could buy new technology products, because I’m dying for an iPad mini.) 

In December they posted a position that I felt would have been a great fit, only with a Special Election in this area, it was put on hold and then, amended to be a position that honestly would have been a stretch for my current experience level.  I have no doubt I could have done it, but proven that I could do it?  Nah.  I didn’t have that, so I was accepting of the gentle let down I received when the position was amended and understood the need for the greater role and clarification.  

On Friday, the same organization posted another position (because March 15th is ALWAYS my lucky day), that I just saw today.  Seriously, went looking to see what new positions came available at organizations in my area, because I had a bee in my bonnet.  

See, the problem is, I am only willing to work for myself or for an organization I care about.  Life is too short to do otherwise, for me.  I’m not motivated by money, not motivated by a corporate ladder.  I want to make a difference and contribute to making a difference.  

But, I’m stuck in trying to decide which I would prefer: really putting for the effort in to gain more clients, which has been slower going than I hoped for, or working for an organization I care about, because I want to do both things equally.  I also have no doubt that if I got the new position I would be very well suited for and wouldn’t really be a stretch of my experience, the relationship I have with my current clients would only be an asset, not a hindrance.  

Add to that, the new position would include working with one of my favourite people in the world.  

I’m not trying to put the cart before the horse, but speaking as a person who left the organization on extremely great terms, who was a tremendous asset during the campaign, who can provide impeccable references and experience for the position, I’m hopeful that this position that I’m better suited for, would at least carry with it an interview, and being a known personality that fits with the organization can also only be an asset, too, right?  

Hopefully.  But… again… it’s not a fork or a crossroads, I just want to have both worlds at once and this is the only way I think that can be accomplished.