Posts tagged "Life"

April 21st, 2014

Late Night Tumblr Confessional: Food as Energy

I don’t know what the doctors officially told my parents about my allergies to oranges, peanut butter, chocolate, and dairy when we found out when I was around five or six.  I remember throwing one of the worst tantrums of my life the day we found out at the sweetest woman in my life, my maternal grandmother, because she refused to fix me macaroni and cheese, for obvious reasons.  

I can’t think that the doctors told my parents anything other than the fact that I shouldn’t consume those things, but that it wasn’t dire.  I should try to avoid them, but it wasn’t technically life threatening.  If I consumed too much, I’d have an asthma attack and then, I would refrain from them until I was better… 

There’s no telling what they were told or what they heard.  My Dad was already between a rock and a hard place with my Mom who refused to eat unless we had steak and potatoes.  If a vegetable appeared, it better not appear on her plate and more than once even the unhealthily prepared green beans were tossed from her plate into the garbage.  So, it really was difficult for him, because she insisted on doing the grocery shopping.  

When I made the decision to go dairy free and told my Dad, he sighed and wished that the options available now had been available back then.  I agree.  

It makes me emotional to go forward, but I want to explain… I told a friend the other day, for so long, the concept of food as energy has been a foreign ideal to me - a part of what was making me feel so poorly.  I try to be kind to myself, try to rationalize how I could possibly know what just eliminating dairy could do, how much energy food could give you, when your formative examples were actually worse for you than what you were eating as an adult.  

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m on a path to healthfulness… It’s slow going, but I’m working my way there… Now that I know what was causing so many problems, that the cycle of feel good, eat dairy, feel like crap, get kind of moody as hell, feel better, eat dairy, etc is something I am doing everything I can to break, I do feel so much better and am getting on a more normal pattern, which helps a lot.  

I know that this is my thing, and I share a lot of bad and try not to share a lot of the depression or crankiness, though both somewhat seep out at times, but I wanted to share the good, too… 

I know that going dairy free has helped me tremendously and that it is NOT the answer for everyone, for obvious reasons, but I do hope the people that I follow and try to interact with find the thing in their own lives that will turn things around. 

You have no idea what today meant to me.  I woke up without having to use my inhaler, I could breathe deeply without chest tightness, there has been no wheezing today, the first day I can say that in easily five years, I haven’t used any medication for asthma today, though I know I should for anxiety, because I feel the stress on my neck and shoulders. When a part of your entire existence for so long has been just not being able to breathe easily, which wears you down more than anyone understands until they experience it, you don’t take free breathing days for granted.  

(Now, if Lexi would only stop coughing and her anxiety fits, which have both started up again rather recently, we would be a force to be reckoned with. )

April 18th, 2014

Delightful Interaction with a Girl who has an Amazing Light

"I like your dog.  Is it a boy or a girl?" the outgoing girl asked after chiding her younger (or twin?) sister for complaining about being, "too tired" on her bike, still with training wheels.  "You need to learn how to control it," I heard her shout just before she spotted Lexi.  

"Girl," I responded. 

"What is her name?"



And then she rode off after her sister. 


"Can I pet your dog?" the same girl said as we came upon each other again.  I spotted her Mom pruning the trees in the park.  I’ve never seen anyone else care for what seems to be public property.  

As I agreed, before I even said anything, the girl crouched into the appropriate stance to allow Lexi to get used to her.  Her sister, the same one who was having trouble with her bike, timidly arrived.  She didn’t want her older sister to know she was afraid, but every time Lexi spun around to face her, she ran.   The youngest of the four was on her tricycle and definitely ran away when Lexi moved suddenly.  Claire was her name and she definitely was afraid of dogs, an announcement the timid one made as she informed me, “I’m not afraid of dogs!”  

Claire, though, was because those cautious eyes followed me, for quite some time after our interaction in the way that eyes do when you want to overcome your fear because it seems silly, but it’s still fear.  

"I’m Chinese," the outgoing girl announced.  

"Awesome," was the only response that came to mind.  

"I’m a Dog," she announced proudly, and "my brother is a Rat," with even more pride.  

Just then the boy came closer to us.  

"I’m a Dragon," I announced, matter-of-factly. 

"WOAH!" They exclaimed with amazement and a hint of envy.  

…and then, our paths diverged again and Lexi and I headed home, but with the mark of a girl who has an amazing light on my mind.   

April 16th, 2014

Temporary Respite from Hell - Grocery Store Update

99 Ranch

Pros: Great place!  Cheap and great produce, best place to buy seaweed “snacks”, so much there that exploring will take a while, two new sets of four chopsticks - one with purple at the top!   Cheapest place to find mint, spinach, apples (huge granny smiths), etc… 

Cons:  Not a lot in the way of Thai food.  No Pad Thai paste (that I could find) and the dried lemongrass I thought would be a shoe in to find there, was not there.  

Trader Joe’s

Not a shock… Got most of my staples… Got the last chocolate coconut ice cream in the store, coconut milk in the refrigerator section was lacking… If you’ve never tried them coconut chips are the bomb.  Cheapest place I found good limes.  Realized last night I CAN have tortillas and bought some (after double checking ingredients).  

Sprout’s Farmer’s Market

Pros:  Very cheap Thai Kitchen rice noodle soups which are easier / quicker to make than ramen and probably better for you in the long run, the So Delicious creamers in the larger sizes, which would be more convenient and cheaper in the long run, berries were insanely cheap there, including blackberries and it’s a great place to get raw nuts (pecans, walnuts, cashews)

Cons: The coconut milk options that I thought were cheaper there, weren’t cheaper there and no Pad Thai sauce.  


I forgot sugar.  No Pad Thai sauce.  This is my local grocery store and closest to my house, so I’m fairly familiar with my surroundings.  Not best place to buy produce, but comparable to TJ’s and Sprout’s, decent selection at better prices.  


Is where I get Lexi’s food (cheapest rate) and coffee and I’m going later tonight.  


Praying that I saw the Pad Thai sauce there.  Waiting for traffic to die down and planning on running by around 7.   Also: HEB made guacamole, because if I can’t have cheese, I CAN and WILL have guacamole.  

Somewhere in this city and within the last week, I saw Pad Thai sauce.  HEB is the last place it could possibly be… also looking for an asian market that may sell good Thai goods.  

I don’t know if you’ve noticed reading this, but I am in need of Pad Thai sauce.  Lesson learned: if you’re looking at Pad Thai sauce on Monday and the likelihood that you’ll want to make homemade Pad Thai is high in the near future, pick up the damn sauce when you see it.  


clean bathroom tips
organize your closet
how to fix a leaky faucet
how to keep a clean kitchen
removing stains from your carpet
how to coupon
what to do when you can’t pay your bills
see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill
how to save money
How to Balance a Check Book
How to do Your Own Taxes
how to take care of yourself when you’re sick
things to bring to a doctor’s appointment
what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment
how to make a doctor’s appointment
how to pick a health insurance plan
a list of stress relievers
how to get free therapy

how to remove a splinter

how to avoid a hangover

what to do if you get pulled over by a cop
a list of hotlines in a crisis
things to keep in your car in case of an emergency

how to do the heimlich maneuver

no-more-ramen: easy, quick, simple recipes
recipes that take 30 minutes or less
Yummy apple thing
Brownie in a cup
Cookie in a cup
French bread pizza
Egg tacos
panera mac n cheese recipe
different salad recipes
harry potter recipes
healthy recipes
various cookie recipes
chocolate cupcakes w/ eggless cookie dough topping
s’mores pie 
nutella hot chocolate
peanut butter nutella swirl cookies
cookie in a mug
starbucks holiday drinks
fruit leathers 
brownie in a mug
how to make ramen 1000x better
eggless cookie dough (not to bake, just to eat)
make recipes using things you already have
how to put together a very fancy cheese plate 
make different flavored lemonades
various desert recipes
make tiny chocolate chip cookies
20 dishes every cook should know
learn how to make your own tea
Macaroni and cheese in a mug
Study snacks (2)
40 on-the-go breakfast recipes
what the hell is a mortgage?
first apartment essentials checklist
how to care for cacti and succulents
the care and keeping of plants 
Getting an apartment
time management
create a resume
find the right career
how to pick a major

how to avoid a hangover

how to interview for a job

how to stop procrastinating

How to write cover letters
Traveling for Cheap 
Travel Accessories
The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase
How To Read A Map
How to Apply For A Passport
How to Make A Travel Budget
Better You
read the news
leave your childhood traumas behind
how to quit smoking

how to get a book published

how to knit

how to use a polaroid camera

how to solve a rubik’s cube

how to stop biting your nails

how to stop procrastinating

how to stop skipping breakfast

how to stop micromanaging

how to stop avoiding asking for help

how to stop swearing constantly

how to stop being a pushover

learn another language
how to improve your self-esteem
how to sew
learn how to embroider
how to love yourself
learn how to do yoga
100 tips for life
learn how to make your own cards
April 12th, 2014










Better You

(via hijabeng)

April 8th, 2014

Asthma v. Anxiety

It is remarkable how much the symptoms between asthma and anxiety match up.  The difference?  Asthma episodes seem to be much longer in duration, but even then… it’s a very difficult thing to diagnose between the two - especially with a history of asthma and anxiety appearing on the road just within the last year or so. 

I had meant to express to my Doctor that I felt  I was experiencing anxiety and to get a prescription for the very basic and lowest dose form possible of something to have on hand in case I had a panic attack again like last year, but with the very difficult to deal with student doctor, I didn’t feel comfortable speaking about my asthma issues, let alone bringing up a new issue.  

So, it’s been on my radar for a bit… 

I’ve been thinking I’ve had asthma problems for the past three weeks or so, which have also hit at a very difficult time in my personal life for a variety of reasons.  That old adage of everything hitting at once?  Yeah… that.  But though asthma meds have helped, what has helped more has been Benadryl and, honestly, the sedative properties of it have helped more than the allergy relief.   

So, I stopped at the pharmacy today and picked up an herbal supplement for anxiety relief and I am in a much better place.  Much more calm, can think things through… things don’t seem scary or overwhelming as they did even this morning.  

This is all by way of me saying if you feel I’ve been distant in the past few weeks, it’s in the process of getting under control… (hopefully) and please don’t give up on me. 

March 29th, 2014

I haven’t let a lot of people online know, but I’ve had a ridiculously bad asthma episode? I guess you’d call it.  Breathing has been incredibly difficult for the past two weeks…   For those that have never experienced it, having difficulty breathing, in and of itself, wears you down.  

When I signed up for insurance in December, I signed up for an HMO and never got the option to choose my doctor from the list of approved providers.  Then, it took three calls to get my cards (and three months, so it wasn’t like I was being impatient).   I finally looked at my card in full on Friday, because I was expecting to just be able to go to my doctor to get medicine for my nebulizer, because that’s how bad this flare is, only to realize I couldn’t do that and the doctor listed was not one I had seen before and, because he’s a man, I’m not really all that enthused with seeing, either.  

So, panic set in, when I tried to change to my doctor and thought she wasn’t listed.  A call to my insurance company and speaking with a total sweetheart of a boy customer service agent named Paris, I discovered somehow I wasn’t pulling my doctor’s name up, but she does accept my plan and my insurance.  *Phew*

However, because as you all know, HMOs will only change you at the beginning of the month, I can’t get in to see her until at a minimum of Tuesday.  

You know, I really only started writing this to explain that I’m starving, but I can’t eat almost anything I want because right now, with this flare, I cannot have ANY dairy, chocolate, peanuts (peanut butter), or oranges.   And, ever since my nephew ordered a chocolate milk shake after his interview on Thursday, I have been dying for ice cream.  ;o(   (I should get the stuff made with coconut milk at TJ’s but I didn’t think about that until just now, and I’m home and my bra’s off for the night…)

OH!  But I’m almost caught up to everyone else on the Good Wife…