- Fortune Cookie
Normally I don’t remember them, but I got that one today and it just stuck with me. I hope it sticks for a while.
Still, I was not expecting depth from a fortune cookie.
…in fact, I had the opposite. I had the awkward, nerd girl, (well before it was chic) knew what I believed and what I believed was far different than 99% of my classmates, experience. I didn’t think they were bad or evil, I just knew we weren’t in agreement.
…and, I don’t think geeky, political / writer girls really thrive in high school. I mean, not like “Election” with Reese Witherspoon and all of that, it’s just, when you’re different you KNOW you’re different.
And I remember high school as being this place where everyone was trying to be the same: the same labels whether they be shoes, jeans, perfume, or purses; the same hair styles; the same way to wear clothes.
I was always different. Maybe that strikes you as a “duh” statement, but it wasn’t.
It took a lot of effort to go to school on a regular basis, because from Junior High, I just knew I didn’t fit in. Not the same way. I knew I was never going to fit. I knew this was not where I belonged. These were not my lifelong friends. I just knew.
My touchtone to my youth is the sunrise. Because on the night of Prom, a bunch of us went to Galveston and watched it come up together. Some of us went to Prom, some of us didn’t. (I chose not for many, many reasons, too many to discuss here.)
That was the best night of my high school life. I don’t need to go to a reunion, to see people who want to judge me, as well as others, for not fitting into their model. I have some of these people on Facebook, the rest I don’t care about, and the shitty reality is: the people I truly care about, as far as high school goes, aren’t going to be there because they’re not on Facebook to get the invitation, which only went out through Facebook. (I just, question why we need a reunion at this point, when we can all see each other’s lives unfold as it happens, and catch up when we want to with each other.)
The reunion is just a reminder that I didn’t fit in and, accept it or not, that was a very painful time that my subconscious is reliving and I feel like I’m not brave enough on one level, still not good enough to sit at the cool kids table on another.. So, you can call it being a youthful spirit, call it being a girl who feels like she’s constantly 10 years behind… call it a girl that has a face that looks like she’s 10 to 15 years younger than she is… whatever. The fact is, I look at my age and I don’t play the same numbers game as many of my classmates do. I see more possibilities ahead, not half behind me.
…and tomorrow the sun will still rise.
…and you realize that something you thought was a mistake for so many years; something you have punished yourself over and over again for was the best thing that ever happened to you. It was a gift.
Those were the moments making way for your dreams to come true.
I do not know why you elected to play Grace Potter and the Nocturnal’s “Turntable” followed by the Arctic Monkey’s “I Wanna Be Yours” followed by Jeff Buckley’s “Everybody Here Wants You”, but I swear I’m a pure angel who doesn’t understand what you’re trying to imply.